Archives: February 2019

Afternoon Crumbs

February 18, 2019 / Posted by:

At Victoria Beckham’s fashion show in London, her 7-year-old daughter Harper Beckham showed up with an Anna Wintour-like ‘do and dared to sit near the Dark Priestess of Fashion, which David Beckham joked about in an Instagram Story. Sure, you might think that Anna Wintour would lose it over a child working her haircut and working it better, but I doubt it. Anna was too busy cackling over Posh being so desperate to get on the cover of American Vogue that she forced her daughter to get Anna’s haircut! – Celebitchy

Just when I was about to throw a side-eye over Hollywood making us think that Seth Rogen could get with Charlize Theron (even Charlize Theron in a two cent wig), I remembered that she humped on Sean Penn once – Lainey Gossip

Even Glamberace thrusting his silver leather-covered crotch while screeching out Bohemian Rhapsody can’t save this year’s Oscars – Towleroad

RIP to Lucifer and all of his minions, because I’m sure they all froze to death from Bella Thorne covering up with a turtleneck – Drunken Stepfather

The spirit of Miss Cleo must’ve taken over the body of a Starbucks marketing executive, because I’m just the kind of basic bitch who orders an iced Americano – OMG Blog

Why did I think this was Max Headroom in drag for a minute? – Popoholic

Prepare to cleanse your eyeballs with Ajax, because a Justin and Hailey Bieber reality shit show might be upon us – Reality Tea

This is why Marvel nerds cry today: Netflix canceled Jessica Jones and The PunisherJust Jared

Pic: Instagram

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Anthony Weiner Is Out Of Prison And In A Halfway House

February 18, 2019 / Posted by:

Anthony Weiner aka Carlos Danger is on the loose once again and he’s already bending the rules. According to the New York Post, Anthony was released from federal prison after serving 15 months on a 21-month sentence for sending pictures of his dick to a child. Now Anthony is out, staying at a halfway house, and has registered as a sex offender. He also ordered some lasagna to be delivered, despite the fact that the halfway house has a big sign on it that says “You May Not Bring Food or Beverages Into This Facility. Stop. No Exceptions!!” Not only that, he only tipped the driver 10%. Typical fucking Weiner!

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Orlando Bloom Isn’t Original In The Engagement Ring Department

February 18, 2019 / Posted by:

I’ve known people who basically repeated dates, trips, and presents with each relationship they were in, and they tried to pass it off as just a random coincidence. That is a lie. It is just random laziness, friends! Always get new everything with each new peen! Orlando Bloom did not get that memo, I guess, because just days after he popped the question to Katy Perry, some people noticed her engagement ring is in the same theme as the one he gave to ex-wife Miranda Kerr.

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Kim Kardashian Kept It Demure With Some Smushed Undertitty Action At The Hollywood Beauty Awards

February 18, 2019 / Posted by:

First of all, for real? Hollywood Beauty Awards? I guess at this point the make-up artists and beauty teams in Hollywood deserve whatever awards they can get their hands on because it’s not like you can perform Photoshop in real life like it’s a spell from Harry Potter. And of course, what event surrounding image would be complete without an appearance from Kim Kartrashian in some ugly shit from the Haus of Look At Me. As usual, her smile was missing from her pictures as well as half of her damn outfit.

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Prince Harry And Prince William’s Royal Household Split Is Happening Soon

February 18, 2019 / Posted by:

If Duchess Kate is smart, she’ll inventory all the good shit at Kensington Palace because Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan are on the fast track out of there, and the official split between Harry and Prince William’s joint professional royal household will go down in a matter of weeks. She can’t risk Meghan making off with Queen Mary’s good silver!

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Open Post: Hosted By Kelly Clarkson Doing “Shallow”

February 18, 2019 / Posted by:

The Gagabot 3000’s mission won’t be complete until it either wins an Academy Award for its stirring performance as Human Woman In Love, or fries its circuits in front of an audience of thousands (if we’re being generous) when it ultimately loses to Glenn Close. But it’s already achieved one important step in its mission to achieve Global Domination, it’s rendered me susceptible to its star signal Shallow. I resisted it at first, but repetition is a son of a bitch, and now it’s an earworm I’ll probably have to live with for at least the next 5 years.

Thankfully, it’s been popular for long enough now that it’s getting covered by singers other than Gagabot 3000 and its maker Bradley Cooper. Enter real life, flesh and blood human woman Kelly Clarkson, who covered Shallow at a gig all by herself, rendering poor Bradley even more superfluous than his monstrous creation has.

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