Category: Brad Pitt

Angelina Jolie Doesn’t Want Her Kids To Be “Perfectly Behaved Little People”

December 31, 2018 / Posted by:

Now that her divorce with Brad Pitt has moved past the custody phase (I think? Like I don’t want to jinx her), Angelina Jolie is starting the follow-up struggle: recovering her tattered public persona. It’s hard to come out of a malicious divorce without looking like an evil bitch, and considering how many “sources” were popping up to spill some tea, Angie definitely didn’t. But here she is talking about her kids, so how can she be a bitch?

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Brad Pitt Spent His 55th Birthday Hosting A Sleepover With Some Of His Children

December 19, 2018 / Posted by:

You know who’s a really great father and super nice guy who’s just basically awesome? William Bradley Pitt. He really is the best. Hey, hey, hey, eyes over here! Focus! Brad’s practically never even been to New Orleans. He’s nothing but a devoted father who recently had “several” of his kids over to his house for a fun sleepover to celebrate his birthday! Does that sound like a guy who would be involved in any shady goings-on? Not on your life!

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Brad Pitt Really Wants His Name Taken Off That Lawsuit About His Poorly-Made New Orleans Houses

December 18, 2018 / Posted by:

Last week, the people of the Lower Ninth Ward of New Orleans really laid into Our Patron Saint of Being Uber Hot In The 90s, Brad Pitt, for the crappy houses his Make It Right Foundation made. Well, it’s a new week and so that means new legal proceedings, because even though Brad just came off a messy legal battle with his ex, Angelina Jolie which is kind of over, the people of New Orleans want him to once again feel the high-octane thrill of being raked through the coals of the legal system.

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UsWeekly Says That Angelina Jolie Helped To Turn Pax Against Brad Pitt

December 14, 2018 / Posted by:

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt may be stitching up the gaping wounds they gave each other during their wreck of a custody fight, which has wrapped up (for now), but those damn sources are still talking and adding more layers of messiness to this tragic saga that already has more messy layers than me walking to my mailbox in 60 degree weather (moving back to California gave me lizard veins and skin, okay?). A source tells UsWeekly (via The Daily Mail) that Brad thinks his relationship with two of his sons, 17-year-old Maddox and 15-year-old Pax, is broken, and that could be from something Angie said to Pax. The source claims that Angie told Pax that Brad never wanted to adopt him. “Aaaah, I always knew that halo was a knock-off bought at a pawn shop and you were secretly one of us,” said Satan proudly to his fellow fallen angel Angie.

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The Hurricane Katrina Victims Who Are Suing Brad Pitt’s Foundation Pretty Much Said That He Was Just In It For The Good PR 

December 13, 2018 / Posted by:

Now that Brad Pitt has finalized the custody issues with Angelina Jolie (for now), he can focus on what’s really important. No not his acting in Quentin Tarantino’s Manson murder movie. He can focus on his next real life drama: getting sued by the good people of New Orleans for those shitty houses he built them.

Brad’s Make It Right foundation build houses for people who suffered through Hurricane Katrina, and the houses turn out to be as solid as his performance in The Counselor. The houses had problems. Brad decided he would sue the architect, and he also tried to get his own name taken out of the class action lawsuit which was filed against him and Make It Right by the owners of those trash houses. Brad was all: “This isn’t my fault! I just tried to do something nice with a half-assed effort! Leave me alone!” but the people of New Orleans were like: “No ma’am.” Continue reading

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