Ryan Murphy better pump the brakes and tell Sarah Paulson she can go back to eating carbs for the time being, because American Crime Story: The Child Army Trial isn’t a sure thing just yet. It seems there’s still a chance to avoid a Kramer Vs Kramer situation with People Magazine reporting that Angelina Jolie doesn’t actually want sole custody, and The Blast reporting that William Bradley Pitt is terrified about what a trial will do to the children. Which is huge because it means somebody actually has thought of the children! Knock me over with a feather. Better late than never.
Well y’all, it’s time to officially get the judge involved in the Angelina Jolie/Brad Pitt divorce saga. And, bitch, what a saga it has been. There have been claims of poverty. We had Brad call the fight “disgusting“. Angelina’s lawyer dropped her halfway through the game. There was even a truce! Which didn’t last long. From head to toe this had been a wet-hot disaster. The most recent updates were a child custody evaluation which was being done, and it seemed like the two were finally starting to wind down the most epic divorce to ever occur outside of an episode of The Young & The Restless. Welp, think twice about that wind down, kids, because Angelina and Brad are about to turn it up a notch by bringing in a judge to decide all matters of custody about the child army.
…But they definitely still are! Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s divorce has been one for the ages. St. Angie checked her U.N. Goodwill Ambassador cloak at the door of her lawyer’s office and changed into brass knuckles in order to get what she felt was hers. Not only did she drag Brad’s name through the mud regarding custody rights, she also unexpectedly made a crack at the Golddigger Hall of Fame by trying to say they were *really* together for way longer than they were actually married in order to get a heftier settlement. Brad’s team scoffed at that more than the rest of us did when they filmed By The Sea. Alas, it sounds like they’re playing nice and things won’t end up like a Tomb Raider massacre.
People is reporting that things are continuing along at their usual pace for the divorce equivalent to the “Song That Doesn’t End”. When people divorce it’s typical for them to hire a third party to come in and evaluate the child-care situation since the court doesn’t want to be biased on one side or the other. So some poor soul has now been hired to wade into the dragon’s cave and to figure out what’s best for Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s six children. Pray for them.
Hollywood Life (via The Daily Mail) has a story about evil sorceress Angelina Jolie feeling nothing for getting on a married Brad Pitt and ruining his then-wife Jennifer Aniston’s life way back in 2004. As legend has it, Aniston was left wearing a lifelong veil of tears after Angie cast a black magic sex spell on Brad while they were filming Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Brad and Jennifer split the next year and it was shortly afterward that he started accompanying Angie on world-saving errands. Later, both stopped short of admitting that they were boning prior to his divorce but did reveal in separate interviews that they developed feelings for each other during filming of that movie. Remember when Aniston summed up Angie’s revelation with the withering and devastating “uncool”? Anyway, Brad and Angie went on to get married, raise a million children, and are currently in the midst of an untidy divorce. Angie reportedly regrets how the split and divorce are going but is still supposedly claiming “I don’t know her” when it comes to Aniston’s feelings.
Remember when it was reported there was a truce in the Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie divorce? And then the next day we were all told there was no truce? Well, there was another truce reported at the end of September, and now it’s the beginning of October and I’m here to update you that there’s yet another story out saying there’s no truce.