Category: Hot Slut of the Day

Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 11, 2018 / Posted by:

This Typo (And It Stays Because It Has Since It’s in Print) Masterpiece!

While some of us find that the more we age, the more raggedy, dilapidated, used-up, and janky our holes get. Some of us have holes that age like a Lohan, but not Julia Roberts. According to Jamestown, NY’s The Post-Journal, Julia Roberts’ holes age like fine wine. Julia Roberts is a multi-millionaire so it’s not a surprise that her holes are looking gorgeous and all young-like since she can afford to keep them in luxuriously pristine condition thanks to waxing, bleaching, GOOP-approved pussy steaming, Botox-ing, b-hole bedazzling, daily sessions with a kegels coach, coochie meditating, chemical anus skin peels, rejuvenation surgery, etc… etc… Also, it’s wrong to brag about how your holes are Paul Rudd-ing it, but if my hole was getting better with age, I’d brag about it too!

But just as studio executives were about to greenlight a Pretty Woman reboot called Pretty Holes, and People was about to announce Julia Roberts’ holes as their Most Beautiful Holes of 2018, The Post-Journal pooted out a correction. They claim they meant ROLES not HOLES. That doesn’t make any sense. Julia’s earlier roles include roles in Steel Magnolias and Sleeping with the Enemy, and it doesn’t get any better than that! Every role she’s had after that has been a downgrade.

The Post-Journal aggregated that story from an AP story, which strangely enough, has “Roles” instead of “Holes.”

Julia’s people probably got to them and made them change it, because she’s saving the revelation about her stunning holes for an ad campaign promoting Lancôme’s Advanced Génifique Youth Activating Hole Serum. But I say to Julia, use that giant mouth to take to the mountain and shout about your age-reversing holes. You’ve got a Benjamin Butthole and should be proud of it!

Pics: Twitter

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 10, 2018 / Posted by:

Butterfinger BB’s!

In 1992, Nestle decided to bag up and sell the butt dingles that their Butterfinger bars pooted out, and they call those things Butterfinger BB’s. Butterfinger BB’s were the donut holes of Butterfingers. They were Whopper-shaped balls of Butterfingers. When Nestle put their Butterfinger Bareback Balls (that’s what it stood for, right?) on shelves in the early-90s, they used their usual band of processed chocolate pushers The Simpsons to hawk ’em.

The Simpsons starred in ads and commercials for BB’s like this one where pretty much everyone tortured legendary Butterfingerhead Bart Simpson by tying him to the bed and viciously gobbling down his drug of choice right in front of his face.

Some people have that same exact nightmare today, but when they wake up, they don’t have a pile of BB’s next to them. Because BB’s don’t exist anymore. Nestle got rid of Butterfinger BB’s in 2006. After the people cried for some more BB’s action, Nestle put out something called Butterfinger Bites in 2009, but it wasn’t the same, apparently. And the people continue to cry for some BB’s action. Nestle better bring them back before the people get so hard-up for BB’s that they stroll through a petting zoo and mistake some bunny poo balls for miniature BB’s and accidentally become a bunny scat queen. Bring back BB’s before that happens, Nestle!

Pic: Nestle

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 9, 2018 / Posted by:

Angel Face Barbie!

“Hmm… it’s weird that her name is Angel Face Barbie yet she doesn’t have the face of BETTY WHITE” is what anybody with a brain that is at least working at 0.0001% would definitely say when looking at that Barbie. But Mattel’s idea of an angel face was a Barbie with gorgeously tattooed mahogany brows, thick Sharpie eyeliner, and an outfit that Molly Ringwald’s Pretty In Pink character would easily dump Blane for. Angel Face Barbie came out around 1982-ish, but looked like she was made up of leftover parts from 70s Barbies. There were touches of the 80s on her, though, like how you could decorate her face with a palette of Bonne Bell gorgeousness. You could touch her cheeks with rouge and slather some blue powder glamour onto her eyelids as your creepy dad watched….

The way that dad has to supervise… and watch over them… It’s as if he’s really a Ken Doll who made a deal with the devil to become a human and he doesn’t want that Angel Face Barbie to expose him so he’s staying close to make sure she doesn’t say shit. Yeah, that must be it. They did a lot of drugs in the early-80s, okay?

Pic: Puckmikito

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 8, 2018 / Posted by:

The Ding Dong Ditch Moose!

When I read a headline about a moose ding dong ditching a family, I wondered why it was news, because I’m guessing that on every weekend night, a group of drunken teen meese (yes, that is the plural for moose and don’t tell me otherwise) pull a ding dong ditch prank in Canada. But surprisingly enough, this didn’t happen in Canada. It happened in Alaska. And usually when you hear about a grunting beast who can’t speak English words fucking with people in Alaska, you think, “Oh those Palins are at it again.” But this grunting beast is an adorable, tolerable one, and a much better citizen of Alaska than those Palins.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 7, 2018 / Posted by:

Pink Panther Flakes!

Nowadays if I want to eat a bowl full of pink flakes, I gotta douse some Corn Flakes with Pepto-Bismol. But the people of the early-70s were lucky, because when they wanted to eat a bowl full of pink flakes, they just had to stroll down the cereal aisle at the grocery store.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 6, 2018 / Posted by:

The greatest goalkeeper of all-time! 

Someone wake Google the hell up, because when I Google “the greatest living football goalkeeper,” random names of nobodies like Gianluigi Buffon and Iker Casillas come up. Who are those stranger dudes? Maybe they WERE the greatest living goalkeeper, but that title now belongs to the stray dog who crashed a match in Argentina and showed the people his effortless soccer skills.

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