Category: Hot Slut of the Day

Hot Slut Of The Day!

November 13, 2018 / Posted by:

JILL SCOTT!

Nearly every morning after I wake up, the first thing I do is curse the universe for not giving me the Out Of This World power of being able to stop time by touching fingers. Because then I’d touch my fingers and go back to bed. That power is the greatest snooze button that never was. Once I curse the gods for that, I do what any normal human does and check my phone. I glance at the Twitter trending topics, and this morning I saw that Jill Scott’s name was at the top. Jill Scott is only 46 years old, so I didn’t think that she took a long walk to heaven. And I was right. Jill Scott isn’t dead, but she did cause many to fall into a casket over her brilliant dick-sucking mime performance.

Jill Scott trended for the best reason to trend: her beej skills.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

November 12, 2018 / Posted by:

Archie, my new favorite hockey player!

If time machines were real, I’d use one to go back in time to 16 years ago so that I can ship my then-puppy-aged dog to Archie’s human for training. Because then maybe he would’ve made himself useful throughout all these years and done shit for me like hand me the remote control and my phone (“I’d hand you the phone¬†all right, so your stupid ass could call someone for a clue.” – my dog).

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

November 11, 2018 / Posted by:

Today is Veterans Day in the U.S., the day that we thank, bow down to and honor the people who have served in our military and fought for our freedom. It’s also the day when many of us put the delete button on our keyboards to good use while banishing all the Veteran’s Day sale e-mails from our inbox. And speaking of using veterans and war to make that money…

Around the time of the Gulf War, Mattel probably thought to themselves, “Hmmm, how can we make money off of this?” So they came out with a limited-edition line of Barbie and Ken dolls called Stars & Stripes Barbie. The first one came out in 1991 and the last one was released in 1994. You can still get ’em on eBay, of course. There was Navy Barbie, Air Force Barbie & Ken, Marine Corps Barbie & Ken, Air Force Barbie & Ken, and Army Barbie & Ken.

Many people have bitched at the mouth about how Barbie doesn’t represent realistic beauty standards, but Stars & Stripes Barbie shat all over that line of thinking. Every woman who has served in the military woke up three hours early to go down to the JcPenney pop-up hair salon that’s on every base to have her hair blown out into another zip code, paint slathered onto her lips, and spider legs glued to her eyelids.

Actually, I take back the blowout. It’s obvious Stars & Strips Barbie didn’t bother with that. All she did is slap on a polyester lace front that instantly turned her into the love child of Lady Bunny and Calista Gingrich.

There’s a good chance that those of you who have served or are serving in the military are screaming at me like, “Michael, you dumb fuck, that’s not her hair. That is an actual military helmet made out of metal fibers!

Pics: eBay, Amazon, Amazon

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

November 10, 2018 / Posted by:

Koala Springs Mineral Water!

In the 1980s, Canada generously gifted America with naturally flavored waters from their springs (which had a comeback a few years ago and you can still get it in some places) and New York bottled up the sparkling, clear, fruit-flavored non-diseased water from their sewers and sold it as Original New York Seltzer (which also had a comeback a few years ago). Canada and NYC weren’t the only places to share their nectar of the gods with the world. Australia did too.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

November 9, 2018 / Posted by:

The rat who is the leader of Luxembourg’s chapter of the Not The One Club!

A cat in Luxembourg has probably broken into a costume shop to find a dog disguise it can wear now that pussy no longer can show its face among its own kind. The reason for that is that trick got served by a damn rat! A security camera outside of a building in Luxembourg caught an embarrassing scene for catkind.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

November 8, 2018 / Posted by:

Zimm Zamm!

Oh, the late-70s and early-80s, a much, much more glamorous time when even while playing a complicated, sweat-inducig sports game, players brought the glamour and hotness (see: that hotter-than-Scott-Baio-alike with freshly waxed legs in painted-on nut huggers and that blossom with a Raquel Welch mane). The cover of that Zimm Zamm box wasn’t accurate, because that ball obviously would’ve exploded from being exposed to that much beauty and glamour. Obviously.

Zimm Zamm, which sounds like a cross between a Spice Girls song lyric and a knock-off brand of Zima, came out sometime in the 70s. It was the athletic baby of a tetherball and tennis. Zimm Zamm was a two-player game, and each player got a paddle and hit a ball attached to a rope. Like tetherball, the goal was to get the ball and rope all the way around the pole. But unlike tetherball, I don’t think you risked breaking your finger bones on that pole as much. I don’t mind breaking my hands on a hard pole, but not like that!

Here’s a commercial for Zimm Zamm from the early-80s:

That commercial is definitely Tchaikovsky’s proudest moment as a composer and artist. Because you haven’t heard Swan Lake until you’ve heard it played by a kazoo in a commercial for a lawn game. Let me correct myself real quick. Not just any lawn game but Zimm Zamm!

Pic: TCTYB

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